Month: January 2021

The Nuclear Family is a term that is often heard in conservative Christian circles. For a lot of people it probably brings up the idea of a 1950’s family, of a mom and dad and their children sitting around the dinner table. It is often held as a model that society should aspire to. Most of the criticism of the nuclear family seems to come from what some would view as radical elements, such as Marxism or LGBTQ+. However, there is a traditional argument that the advent of the nuclear family is not necessarily a good thing.

This is not to say have two parents is irrelevant. That is certainly not the case. Indeed, empirical evidence seems to suggest that those from two-parent households tend to have a better chance at good life outcomes. The criticism is that the nuclear family is evidence of a breakdown of family, not a preservation. In fact, the term nuclear family didn’t even make it to the dictionaries until 1925, indicating this is a rather new thing in society.

How is the wholesome mom, dad, and children a sign of decline? Prior to the relative extreme wealth Americans now have, large families were quite common, with multiple generations living in the same area, if not the same house. In fact, for most of human history that was the way of life. Wealth and opportunity allowed for children to move away, no longer dependent on the group for support, and the possibility of large income and wealth drove people from one location to another, most notably from rural areas to the city.

In many parts of the world where poverty is still rampant we can see these traditional social structures still existing. However, even in wealthy United States, there are still groups that remain with extended families. We see this in Orthodox Jewish, Mexican, and Eastern European communities. What is the traditional benefits of these structures? For one thing, child care is more easily available. The social network allows elderly, who are no longer employed to care for the children. Also, it increases the likelihood of parents properly taking care of the children. Abuse is more easily identified and the child has more options for seeking help. While it is true that abuse and murders are almost always inflicted by someone close to, such as a family member, these horrific events are also more discoverable from someone within the close circle of friends and family.

As science advances, we realize that mental health issues are more common than we once realized. This appears to be getting worse due to the feeling of separation and isolation. While some of this can be blamed ironically on social media networks that connects millions of people, it is also attributable to actual separation and isolation from family and community breakdown. Humans evolved with large families and tribes. Having large community and support network is supposed to be our default position in society. Unfortunately, it seems in wealthy, western society, that is becoming less and less common. We have essentially tried to undo a long history of social networks in just a few short years.

I’ll address two possible objections to this criticism (although I wouldn’t call it a criticism, but rather a concern or warning). The first is that one may not actually have a large family or that it is impossible to be around all of them. This true for a lot of people; however, that, I believe, is a misunderstanding of social networking in humans. In the legal world, in Child Protective Services, children are often times placed with fictive kin, meaning they aren’t related to the family, but are so close to the family that they might as well be called uncle, brother, mother, daughter, etc. We even see this in the Bible, when Jesus is on the cross and says, “Woman, behold, your son!” and “Behold, your mother!” These were not blood relatives, but fictive kin. Mary was now to be supported by Jesus’ disciple as family. This is not uncommon is the past, much less in the present. Often times I have seen designations of executors, trustees, and guardians that are fictive kin, rather than actual family members. This may be done because family couldn’t be trusted, or to release the burden placed on loved ones. Family is not just blood. Some of the worst perpetrators of violence and harm are from blood. However, as I mentioned above, these can be rooted out and reported in larger “families.”

The second objection may be that being wealthy caused this. Being wealthy certainly makes the breakdown of family easier, but I don’t think it is inevitable. As mentioned above, poorer societies still have a strong family and social network. However, I’m absolutely not indicating these were the good ole days in the U.S., or that I’m romantic about these societies. Our wealth today means our children have great opportunities and healthcare. I don’t want to change any of that. I think these things are all good. However, I think the church, or more accurately, the believers, have failed at their primary commandment: To love your neighbor as yourself. I’ll be the first to admit my guilt of not keeping up with family and friends. I’m usually wrapped up in my own work, nuclear family, social media, and other forms of entertainment. What made the early church unique was its love and support network. In fact, some pagans thought that they should replicate Christian behavior due their selflessness. Being wealthy has allowed us not to worry, and unfortunately, not worry about anyone else either. However, this doesn’t have to be.

Christians should not celebrate the advent of the nuclear family. It is a sign of the breakdown of the family, and for Christians, the failure of the church to maintain its role as a family. Instead what we should do as Christians is to once again become that family that loves and supports. Churches do have outreach programs for people and we all probably have church friends that we consider brothers and sisters. However, for many Americans, this is not the case. Church is a place you spend roughly an hour at once a week, if that. How close are we really to hour brothers in sisters, both real and fictive? I don’t have an answer to solve this problem; however, I do plan on starting with myself. How can I be a better brother?